31 in 31 #30 A little “mediation” seminar
The school where I received my mediation training has
seminars each month on mediation topics. I went to my first one last night and
want to share what I learned. The seminar was titled CPR for Communications – A
better framework for conflict resolving conversations. If there is a trick to
mediation that I am discovering, it is to discern the interests which underlie
a position. CPR in this seminar means Content,
Pattern, Relationship. Let’s say
there is an argument between husband and wife. Content refers to the story or
the “facts” in the situation. Pattern goes deeper and sees if there is a history
of similar incidents and looks for what underlying need is not being met.
Finally, how is this pattern affecting the relationship? So, if you can follow
this, there are 6 different answers that are given that will probably NOT be
the same. The husband gives his take on CPR and the wife gives her take on CPR
(imagine a chart with 6 boxes). A crucial aspect of the mediator’s role is to
be able to help the parties identify the patterns and also help them focus on
this affects the relationship. It is very easy to get caught on content. A
simple example will help – The wife says she will be home at 6PM and the
husband has made a delicious dinner. She does not call and arrives at 6:30. As
she walks in the door, he yells at her, she yells back. It does not sound like
the meal will be happy. If it was ONLY a content issue, I suppose he might be
concerned and ask what happened before blowing up. However, if we look toward a
pattern, we may find that he can’t rely on her word and perhaps she needs more
leeway in their relationship. By the way, in this encounter, it turned out that
she had forgot her cell phone at home and did not realize it until she tried to
call on the ride home
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