31 in 31 #18 deepening relationships

31 in 31 - #18 – Deepening the dog park relationships

Last night I met with the Board of Directors of a dog park just getting going in a nearby town. I had helped them with a fundraiser last spring by giving dog massages in a fair type situation. They are a well organized group with a good following and a nice website. My intent was to get to know them a little better, see what their needs are and also have them publicize my courses to their members. As it turned out, they are having another fundraiser in a few weeks but I am booked. However, I asked if they would like me to offer a “free massage” as a raffle type prize and I was happy to do so. I also told them that I would participate in their big fundraiser in the spring. They happily and unanimously agreed to send out my course information to their group. I also introduced my new business of ForEverCare for Pets as well as Mediation for Pet issues. This was totally new to them so it will take several; times for them to truly get the idea. It helps me in my planning of what type of information they will need and how to simplify it for their members. I am currently working on the ForEverCare website which will be completed soon and we will be off and running. One similarity between mediation and dog massage is that it is important to build a market for each of them. I think that they can support each other since both ventures focus on helping animals and their owners. Also on a deeper level, both ventures focus on wellness, transitions and transformations.

31 in 31 #17observation a mediation at Court -

31 in 31 - #17 Observing a Mediation at Court

As I am in the learning process mediation, I volunteer to go to various courts and offer my services. The first step is observing other mediators. I did an observation yesterday in Eviction Court. It was a version of the classic situation. The tenant had not been fully paying her rent for over a year. The landlord was trying to be understanding of the tenant’s situation. Both husband and wife (tenants) had lost their jobs several times over the past year and literally did not have the money to pay. However, they paid what they could such as $300 here, $500 there. Their rent was $1500 a month. However, the tenants had run up a debt of over $10,000 and the landlord had reached his “kind does not mean weak” extensions so he needed a resolution. There are two recurring issues in the eviction dialogue. The first is whether the tenants can make the payments going forward with some degree of certainty. The second is if the tenants cannot do this, then what is the best exit strategy that works for both? It became clear during the discussion that the tenants could not guaranty payment going forward. Little by little the landlord moved toward the position of “might as well cut losses with little hope of ever receiving the money owed for back rent”. Both parties tried varying solutions but neither could find one the other could live with. At the end the conversation broke down, the tenant leaving in tears and the landlord frustrated that he could not have worked something out. Since I was the observer and could not comment in any way, it was both frustrating and fascinating to watch and also think what I might have done differently to help the situation. I will get many chances in the future with probably similar situations and hope to be able to at least bring the parties to the place where they both feel they have tried their very best and sometimes will reach a settlement.

31 in 31 #16 a deeper perspective

31 in 31 #16 – A Deeper Perspective

I assume that all of on this blog group as well as all humanity asks the deeper questions to themselves sometimes although we don’t often bring it up – or perhaps only in special circumstances. The deeper question for me these days often presents itself as “how can I be of true service and who and what can I serve?” The answers and hints that come to address and expand this question are many, but for this blog, I will simply choose one. And that is “don’t resist or deny what is occurring right in front of me.” I have a kind of faith that going with the challenges and opportunities that life simply presents will lead to a life of deeper service and usefulness. I don’t know this as a fact but it seems worthwhile to follow. If not, I will fall back on my own preferences, points of view, opinions, etc. and get caught in a never ending vortex. But how to know which way to go? Sometimes it is confusing. So one simple example – I noticed there is a Tellington Touch class coming in October near to my home. I have read a great deal about TT and have been practicing with the dogs with some good results. I thought to myself I will sign up and see what I can learn. A week later I was at a dogfair and the American Cancer Society had a booth and saw me massaging the dogs. They invited me to massage dogs at a big fair they are sponsoring on the same day as the TT class. What to do? Both are in the direction I want to go. I said no to the Cancer Society. Then two days ago, a woman I am mentoring in dog massage emailed me that she would love to massage dogs at the Cancer Society dogfest and would appreciate it if we could do it together. Her email was so unexpected and not “arranged be me” in any way that it tipped the scales.

31 in 31 mediation, positions and interests

Mediation – Positions and Interests - #15

Since I see mediation as a question of transitions and transformations of thinking and thus feeling, it is important to point out a crucial aspect of what mediation does. It moves a person from a fixed position where the position is defended to a far deeper place where the real interests, needs and wishes of a person reside. A classic example that often occurs spontaneously of this shift happens to almost all parents when they have teenagers, Let’s make it more interesting and also realistic and give the teenager a driver’s license. The agreement is that the teenager will be home by 10PM. 10PM comes and goes with no phone call. The parents begin to get edgy and finally angry. “We should not have trusted her or he should have called no matter what.” And then the position emerges, he cannot have the car for a week or a month or until he is 18.. Now 11PM comes and the parents are nervous about the child being hurt or worse. The position, in and of itself, softens and the parents become aware of their deeper interests. They love their child and want him or her to be safe. This is NOT a position because it does not specify how or what. That means there are many ways this safety can be achieved. The parents also want to be able to live without anxiety every time the child takes the car. This again is not a position but a deeper interest. All is somehow made well when at 11:30PM, there is phone call explaining that the cell phone ran out of juice and there was a minor accident with no way to inform them. The child is highly distressed and there will be a lot to talk about at home. Through directed conversation, the goal of mediation is to reach a space where positions can soften and deeper interests can emerge. Then it is the parties themselves that can reach resolution.

31 in 31 #14- more about mediation

I am working on a new website for a new business called ForeverCare for Pets. One aspect of our service will be mediation. Below is a some useful info on mediation

What is Mediation?

Mediation is an approach to resolving disputes which is voluntary and confidential. The mediator’s job is to help the parties define their issues and explore options for resolution. It is the parties themselves who have the power to make decisions and define the terms of any agreement they may reach. Mediation is an informal and non-adversarial process that is sometimes described as assisted negotiation.

What the mediator does

The mediator performs many functions including the following:

-         tracks issues as they arise

-         helps parties clarify their interests by asking questions

-         reframes information so the parties can see things in a new way

-         encourages brainstorming

-         encourages reality testing

-         sometimes asks hard questions with diplomacy and tact

-         helps parties negotiate face to face

The Advantages of mediation

Some of the more significant advantages are:

-         Time and money can be saved

-         The parties can resolve disputes on their own terms

-         It offers a confidential forum for sensitive issues

-         The parties retain control over the outcome

-         It allows for creative and flexible solutions that work for both parties

Although we offer a broad array of mediation services, we also specifically focus on animal and pet issues. Some of these include custody issues, boundary disputes, end of life care, and other important issues in an animal’s life.

31 in 31 mediation intro #13

Mediation Intro

In addition to starting my dog massage venture last January, I have also begun my “second leg” of my three-legged stool, It is a mediation and consulting venture called “Transitions and Transformations. I have chosen this name because it truly captures what I care about, the transitions and transformations that all beings go through. It is often at the transition points that there is great challenge, often suffering and most important a possibility, an openness that sometimes becomes available. I have seen so many times in myself and others and it never fails to move me deeply. My understanding of mediation is that it is a process that invites the participants who are usually in some type of fixed position conflict to get a new perspective, at least for a moment if not permanently. And that perspective is that the other person may have a valid point of view which is not the same as mine which is also a valid point of view. To be able to hold two (or more points of view) at the same time and embrace them both as valid and acceptable is, in itself a step towards maturity and transformation. What is particularly interesting about the mediation model is that is the parties themselves who make the decisions both as to process as well as to substance. This is very different from the court model where the process is already set and it is the judge who makes the final decision. Just this one difference is significant in terms of empowering the participants that they can actually solve their own issues especially if there is going to be an on-going relationship. Another important facet of mediation is that it is voluntary. Both sides need to agree to try it and both sides have to option to leave whenever they wish. In one sense, this makes it challenging because a party can simply quit the process midstream. However, if both parties can get through the challenges, the result will be far more permanent and satisfying.

31 in 31 when things line up #12

When things are working everything lines up

A beautiful new animal shelter opened up nearby a few months ago after years of planning. I thought it would be good to connect with them by doing dog massage like I do in the other large shelter in my area. Wouldn’t you know, they read the wonderful article about me in their local paper and gave me a call to participate in a big fundraiser? How wild that I am booked doing another massage gig for the MSPCA in a gigantic fund raiser the same day. I enjoyed that and also made an appointment to see what we could set up together for the future .When they were taking me on the tour, one of their dogs “escaped” a bit and I joined the small posse to get her back which we did. We then made our arrangement that I would be a “bonus” whenever I arrive. That would give me lots of flexibility with everything else going on in my life and they agreed. They asked if I had time to massage one dog and I agreed. Wouldn’t you know, it was the little dog who escaped and whose was quite freaked out after arriving a few days before from Puerto Rico. She moved as far away from me in her kennel as possible and faced away. I laughed as I have seen this behavior many times. And little by little within 15 minutes she was laying with her feet splayed out in front of her quite close to me and I was working gently on her back. It was time to go and I told her that I expected she would be adopted by the time I visited the shelter again. Her eyes softened asking whether I would be willing to adopt her. I told her that a nice family was on the way and she would be happy there. What a life!

Dog Massage and Human Massage - a combo

Dog Massage and Human Massage – a combo offering

It was a year ago last summer as I was conceiving this whole dog massage gig that I wanted along a river walkway with people playing guitars, people walking their dogs and even a person doing human massage. I thought to myself “hmm, maybe I could just put up a sign and say “dog massage” and see what happens. My daughter was visiting and she said “that sounds like fun. Perhaps you even combine human and dog massage like $1 a minute for human, ½ price for your dog. I let the idea simmer, finished my certification in dog massage, performed several hundred massages in a variety of venues until I now feel comfortable meeting new dogs and offering a massage. And yesterday it actually happened… I met a person who does massages at a farmer’s market, got to know her and she invited me into her tent to do dog massages. She actually charges $1 a minute and I choose an alternative route for fees. After doing the massage, I simply asked the person for a donation if they wished. I got anywhere from $2 to $10 and also lots of kisses from the dogs. I’ll share just one story. A little Boston terrier came over (with his mother0 but was shy and jumpy. I told the owner that sometimes this works and sometimes not but let’s give it a bit of time. Right at that moment, a golden retriever barged in, lied down, took a deep breath and said, OK, my turn now. We all just laughed and I gave the golden a lovely massage. All this time the terrier was watching. When the golden moved on, the terrier moved in, took his place, lay down, splayed its legs and said – OK, now MY turn. Now how fun is that!

31 in 31 Making friends - a larger view

“Making friends” (Cont) – the larger picture

If you have followed my last four blogs, you know that I have connected with shelters, doggy day cares, vets and dog parks. In one way or another I have supported their goals with dog massage and they are very appreciative and wish to return the favor. From my perspective I now have friends connected to literally thousands of dog owners in my area who would be happy to send their dog owners information I give them. Three of these groups have already offered me space (for free) to teach classes to dog owners. I appreciate the offer and will give them a percentage of what I get. I have already taught five classes (4 sessions each) and I am offering three classes this fall. The information will sent out by all my new friends and I am hoping to fill the classes and possibly set up additional classes in the late fall. In addition, I am starting a new business called ForEverCare for Pets which specifically addresses the issues raised when an owner can no longer take care of their pet due to disability, sickness or impending death. We will be offering a complete service from initial consultation, to finding caretakers to writing pet trusts. I have checked with my new friends and they think it is a terrific service and will be happy to send information to their clients when we ask. So, in order words, I have set up a marketing / distribution center going directly to pet owners who may wish the services we are offering. I will give more information on ForEverCare in future blogs.

31 in 31 - making friends (cont) - dog parks

“Making friends” (Cont) – Dog parks

Many towns in my area now have or are in process of setting up dog parks. For example, in my town, Ipswich, MA, my wife and I were part of a group that helped set up a dog on the beach. It is simply an incredible opportunity for dog to run free on a beautiful beach in the winter months. To raise money for their dog parks, the leadership teams of the various towns often sponsor events, usually dog fairs of one sort or another, to raise money for the park. They have booths with vendors and usually some demonstrations. I have been volunteering at these events in several of the towns nearby doing dog massage. As you might imagine, dog massage has terrific entertainment value because it is so much fun to see a dog truly settle in (or not sometimes) with the simplicity of massage. In the process I have been making friends with the leadership teams all of whom have extensive electronic connections through facebook, email etc. with dog owners in their town. They have been publicizing my dog massage business to their membership and some people have specifically come to these events to get a massage for their dog. I have been handing out my cards and some info and “letting the word go forth”. In my next blog, I will explain how all these marketing efforts may come together in a symphony of massage

31 in 31 - Making Friends (cont) Veterinarians

“Making friends” (Cont) #8– Working with Veterinarians

Like human massage, dog massage has an accepted place in the veterinary world. It is considered an adjunct to physical therapy which can be performed by the physical therapist or a specialist in dog massage. I connected with own vet and her entire staff by giving them an hour long presentation / demonstration of massage. Although vets are highly skilled in certain arenas of medicine, massage is not one of them. I love my vet and she is a very sensitive human being but knows very little about the techniques of massage. The group presented me with one of their dogs and as luck would have it, the dog was highly receptive indeed. This led to vet sponsoring a night at the local library for dog massage. And this led to a class at the vet’s place. So far so good. And yet I have another idea to push this forward. What if we took the “idea’ of a visiting nurse but made it a “visiting massager”. This would be particularly useful after surgery with the long healing process that involves cold, heat, massage, confinement, slow walking, hills, etc. It would also be useful where there is injury or trauma not arising to the level of surgery. I envision myself being both a coach and a teacher for the many dog owners whose dog is in process of recovery. I am not aware of any service quite like this for dogs so it is a bit cutting edge. I plan to propose it in the near future and see what she says.

Making friends #7 - doggie day care centers

“Making friends” (Cont) – Doggie Day Care Centers

Doggie day care centers have come into their own in the past 15 years. What used to be considered a frivolity is now a necessity for many working individuals who love their dogs. A typical daily fee for a suburban doggie day care is $25-$30 and the cities can be twice or three times more. While the goal of a shelter is to get their dogs adopted, the goal of the doggie day care is to provide a safe and enjoyable place for the dog. I approached two doggie day care places and offered to do free massages with full write-ups as a “value-add” for their business. We allowed any of  heir owners to opt out if they did not want to participate but none did. The word started to spread which led to a free evening class to introduce dog massage. This was followed up for a “for pay” series of classes. In both of the places I worked, I formed a class and even gave the doggie day care owner some of the proceeds. I am offering a second round of classes starting in September. In addition, I am becoming part of the fabric of the day care center. Owners can sign up and pay for a massage whenever they wish and we work out the logistics with the intent of having several massages to do at the same time. I always remind myself that I am in the “ambassador and pioneer” phase of this venture and my inner mantra is “let the word go forth.”

31 in 31 - #6 Making friends - no-kill shelters

“Making friends” - How I market my dog massage business to a no-kill shelter

Dog massage has not fully arrived as a viable option for owners who simply wish to provide a wonderful experience for their dog. Nor has it really arrived as a standard veterinary option after surgery or to help reduce stress or to deal with problems of old age. At the Bancroft School where I received my training, we called ourselves “ambassadors and pioneers” for dog massage. I saw our task as getting the word out knowing it would probably take a while. This is different from human massage (even horse massage) both of which have achieved general acceptance in the culture. So my approach has been to affiliate with excellent dog related businesses whose clients would benefit from massage. My first connection was with a large no-kill shelter in my area. I did my internship there with the plan of helping their dogs get adopted more easily. I asked to work with some of their more challenging dogs, either frightened or aggressive, to see if massage would help them settle down. I was fortunate to have good results with some of these dogs which led to people in the shelter wanting to know more about massage. I taught a general session to over 20 volunteers showing them what they could do for the dogs in the shelter. This then led to teaching a four-week (for pay) course going more deeply into what owners can do with their dogs. I gave 25% of what I got back to the shelter. I became part of the shelter team and attended some of their outdoor events. Dog massage is a very good “draw” at a dog fair and brings people over to the table. For my next course which will start in September, the shelter has used their excellent resources to connect with several thousand people telling them about dog massage

HAPPY EARS31 in 31 #5 HAPPY EARS

 HAPPY EARS

Most dog owners know that the ears are a “happy place” for their dogs but what they really appreciate are the specific techniques they can use. Although many approaches are viable, I like to start from the part of the ear closest to the body. Using just one hand glide your hand SLOWLY toward the outside of the ear very gently letting go when you reach the end. Depending on the dog, the ear is usually pressed against the body when you use one hand. Repeat this move 3-5 times. The next step is to use two hands. Put the ear between the palms and make an “ear sandwich” slowing moving from the body to the end of the ear, holding a moment at the end before letting go. Repeat this 3-5 times. Then repeat the whole procedure on the other ear. Done slowly enough, this takes about 5 minutes for both ears. Typically the dog’s breathing slows and so does yours. The next area for massage is directly behind the dog’s ears. There you will a deep depression . If you apply direct pressure and hold it for 10-30 seconds, most dogs will deeply relax. To apply direct pressure (think acupressure), use your thumb at a 90 degree angle and put enough pressure so there is just the beginning of resistance. Then back off a little. Do this one ear at a time placing your other hand on the dog’s head for stability. Repeat with both ears. Next, make circles in both directions one ear at a time. Finally, as a closing move, gently glide along both ears at the same time similar to how you began. Check in with the dog to see how they liked it.

31/ 31 #4 Teaching by regions of the dog's body

TEACHING DOG MASSAGE BY REGIONS OF THE BODY

I have discovered in my teaching that dog owners no almost nothing about their dog’s anatomy. I originally started showing them which muscles connected with what bones, etc. but their eyes glazed over. The strategy that has worked much better is to look at the dog’s body by regions. The four regions I have selected are 1) scapula and back, 2) head and neck 3) hindquarters and 4) legs, belly and sides. I teach a four session basic course at the moment focusing on a major landmark or two in each of these four regions. I find that starting with the scapula has clear and easy results because everyone can pretty well find the scapula and outline it as part of the massage protocol. The dogs generally like this a lot also. Then the owners can see how the muscles connecting to the scapula affect leg extension and retraction and they can both see and feel this as a reality. I even like to get more granular if possible and have them feel the spine of the scapula. Most owners find this interesting as their sensitivity increases. What is even more wonderful is that the dogs tune into this exploration and become interested themselves.” Hmmm, they think, my owner never did this before”.  I also like to show how the longissimus muscle fits into the picture and begin showing the basic massage techniques on that long and wonderful muscle. It gives us a chance to talk about the importance of spine flexion, exercise and general overall dog health. The basic techniques of effleurage (which I call gliding) or petrissage (which I call kneading or perhaps circling) can be practiced very well on this long muscle.

31 posts - #3 - massage at a dogfair booth

I was volunteering at a booth to help raise money for the Gloucester MA dog park and a reported / photographer came by. The first woman came up to me with her terrier and said he does not like men, is impossible to calm down but is a very lovely dog. As is my custom I said "let's see how it goes". After connecting with the dog for just a few minutes, he leaned in against me settled down and gave me a lovely kiss. The woman owner was very surprised. I then proceed to do a gentle massage explaining to the owner what I was doing and what she might try at home. The reported got inspired took lots of photos and decided that dog massage would be her story. The next person who came was a woman who had a mini-dachshund named Pricess Aurora (go figure). She said that Aurora was not in a good mood that day. I invied her to sit on my little cushion with Auroa and that I would do my best. Aurora was immediately receptive. I asked her what part of Aurora is most difficult for her to touch. She immediately said that Aurora won't let her touch her toes. I asked how it goes when cutting her nails and she made a wincing expression. I showed her a technique for the toes and Aurora had each toe on all four feet individually massage, top and bottom, including the webbing between the toes. The reported took the photos and wrote the article which is included in the PRESS link on my website www.skillfulhandsdogmassage.com

31 blogs #2 - "Settling"

Just to be clear, I am working with dogs, not humans and there is a very big difference in massaging dogs and humans. For humans, you simply ask them to settle in, relax, roll over etc. For dogs, and especially dogs I don't know and who have never had a massage, settling in is a big deal. In fact, you could say, it is the gateway to a deeper experience. So my first goal with any dog I massage, even ones I have done before is to see if they will settle. That usually means they will get themselves comfortable either sitting, leaning against me, or best of all lying down comfortably. For an owner to watch this process is usually educational and entertaining, sometimes even magical if their dog finds it difficutl to relax or settle. I like to begin the settling process quietly, hanging out with the dog, letting my own breathing deepen and relax and simply noticing the dog's behavior. Simply things like moving towards me, moving way, soft eyes, general look of the body are all helpful signs and owners like this process very much as they really observe their dogs in detail. I work on the basis that "everything" the dog does is a form of communication and my job is to listen. Depending on the situation, I usually place my hand on the dog's back or scapula and let it rest their a bit to see what happens. At this point, whatever the dog does is furthering our communication. If and when the dog settles, I proceed with the massage.

31 blogs in 31 days

I just received an email challenge to post 31 blogs in 31 days. I have accepted so I can learn more about blogging and also share some of the wonderful things that are going on in my dog massage adventure. The one rule is that the blogs have to be 350 words or less. I am not sure how to do word count in the blog but I will surely learn. For the moment I will approximate 25 words per line so I don't run over. This post will be an overview. I started the dog massage adventure when I began the Bancroft School of Massage, (Worcester, MA) course in April 2011. The course finished in November 2011 and I began my business in January, 2012. So it has been only 8 months since the business started. Including my internship during my Bancroft training, I have done approximately 300 massages in that time. Some were short done at fairs or fund raisers for dog parks or shelters. Others were longer with extensive write-ups done at doggy day cares or shelters and still others were at people's homes. I have also taught 5 one hour seminars and had 5 four-week (once a week) classes with dogs and their owners. In addition, I consistently volunteer at a wonderful shelter called NorthEast Animal Shelter in Salem, MA. They are a large place with room for 100 dogs and 80 cats and are very well run with both satff and volunteers.